Over half of all couples who seek marital therapy experience chronic hostility, over-controlling behaviors, out of control emotions, and are unable to successfully talk to their mates about their most important thoughts and feelings.
Chronic hostility in marriage can result in a whole range of health problems, some of them life-threatening.
In my research I discovered that some people who use a variety of hostile-controlling behaviors in romantic relationships had histories of early childhood attachment disorganization.
Infant and early childhood attachment experiences form the basis of close personal interactions in later life and in adult romantic relationships. In fact, childhood attachment experiences actually help shape early neural structures in the brain responsible for processing information related to close attachment relationships.
I identified three different 'disorganized controlling' attachment patterns in adults that stemmed from childhood disorganization. In childhood these individuals develop patterns of relationship hostility, coercion, and other forms of control AA to obtain feelings of security and love.
Unfortunately, the very security they seek is destroyed by their destructive hostile or controlling behaviors.